I Was There When You Died
by Empathise-Much
Summary: Much's last moments with his best friend.


**I do not own Robin Hood BBC or the characters. Only my own thoughts and that's even questionable.**

* * *

_I was there when you died and held you in my arms. You knew. Brothers to the end._

* * *

Even though Robin said he wanted to do this alone, he should have known that I would follow, and that I couldn't, I wouldn't, _ever_, leave him. At least I would know he didn't die alone.

I thought I was being quiet, unseen, as I cautiously approach the tree my dying friend, my brother, is leaning against, until one wrong step and the twig snapped. _Damn_!

Robin, without turning his head, calls weakly to his best friend and lifelong companion, "Much, I know you're there. You know you can't hide from me. Come here."

As I sit by his side he smiles, leans against me, and relaxes his head against my shoulder. I put my arm around him trying to comfort him in his last moments.

Robin gives a shuddering sigh, "I knew you'd follow as we've been together for so long."

Barely holding back my sorrow I tell him what he already knows, "I couldn't let you die alone. I love you."

Robin nods quietly, "I know. You're my best friend and brother, and I love you. I should have said it more often, and I wish things could turn out differently, but you have to let me go."

A restrained tear runs down my cheek, "No Robin, wherever you go I will follow."

Robin's voice now fades to no more than a whisper, "Not this time my friend, where I am going you cannot follow."

Desperately I tell him, "Then don't go. We'll find a cure."

Robin sighs at the mournful desperation in his best friend's voice, "It's too late."

As my sorrow escapes me I pull him tighter against my shoulder, "I know... I'll stay here with you until the end."

Robin quietly, "And that's why I love you…"

Robin's voice becomes a bit stronger as he looks off into the forest, "Look Much, it's Marian!" and holds up his hand as though he is taking hers. After a moment it drops.

I whisper to him, "Robin?... Robin?..." I gently shake him trying to get a response but watch despondently as the brightness leaves his eyes.

I doubted before but now I know, there is no God.

* * *

_I felt your pain as you tightly gripped my hand and saw the life leave your eyes. I felt you die. As much as I willed my life into yours, I couldn't prevent it. We both knew the wound was fatal but denial is a difficult thing to put aside. I tried to tell you how I felt, but the words failed me. Yet I knew you understood, as we always understood, even without them._

_I now know... There is no God._

* * *

Desperately willing you to hear me, "NO ROBIN! Come back!" I start to weep, my hand lighting on your cheek, then on your chest, frantically searching for any sign of life, and desperately call out, "You can't leave me! You just can't!"

But there is nothing I can do… Except… I can follow. I remove the dagger from my belt and hold it against my throat prepared to draw it across as I had done to so many men before.

But somehow I feel your hand on mine forcing it away, preventing me from following you, and hear your voice breathe in my ear, _STOP_...

I drop my dagger and hold you closer, hoping this isn't real, that you are only asleep, until I feel you go cold. I can no longer pretend that my best friend, my only friend, has left me.

The searing pain in my heart is unbearable and with equal intensity I shout your name up to the sky sending the birds to flight, "ROBIN!" and weep uncontrollably lowering my head and whispering to you as if you can still hear me, "You promised."

My worst fear, my darkest nightmare, has come to pass. You have left me, and I am once again... alone.

* * *

_I put my weapon under my chin not wanting to stay. You are my best friend, my only friend. I have to follow since from childhood we've never been far apart. We are a team and we succeed when others fail because we are. We survive because we protect each other._

_As I squeeze my finger, I feel your hand on mine forcing it away, preventing me from joining you. I hear your voice breathe in my ear, STOP..._

_I find that I cannot go against your command so I stay._

* * *

The gang helps me bury you at our favorite place on the hillside just outside of Locksley so you can watch over your people.

I come here often to talk to you when I can't stand to be with them anymore.

Tuck wants to move the camp to the other side of Nottingham. He says that there is nothing to keep us here, so I got angry and left. I don't care where they go as I will never leave you.

They want to continue, but I wasn't in the gang for the cause, I was there only for you, to take care of you, to be with you. Wherever you go I promised I would follow and I find it unbearable to know that I have broken that promise.

I drop my pack and fall to my knees, curling up on top of your grave from the cool evening breeze as the sun sets. If they want me, they know where to find me.

* * *

_The others find us. You in my arms, your blood soaking my jacket. Your life seeping through my fingers pooling thickly on the ground. I know that they can see our tears but I don't care._

_They take my weapon now hanging limply in my hand realizing what it was for._

_I try to resist but they take you away from me, take us both away. You to your place and me to mine. The others tell them that we had a unique friendship, a special_ _bond_._ But not in that way. Never that way. But the special bond that only best friends and brothers who have held each others lives in their hands can know._

* * *

I must have slept all day as it's dark, but then suddenly, it's blindingly bright forcing me to open my eyes.

I see you standing over me so I get up and we frantically embrace as we used to after a battle that we thought we wouldn't survive and I joyfully weep, "Robin! I knew it! It's all been a bad dream! One of my nightmares! You didn't leave me!"

Robin, with a hitch in his voice, from over my shoulder, "No I didn't leave you. You know I wouldn't. You didn't die alone."

I pull away holding my friend at arms length looking at him curiously, "What do you mean? I'm dreaming... Aren't I?"

Robin backs away, turns, and shakes his head as he looks down.

I follow his gaze and see myself lying there on top of my his grave and whisper, "Together again."

Robin smiling nods, "As it should be."

Looking around I ask, "Where's Marian?"

Robin motions with his head towards his manor, "She's waiting for us. Shall we go?"

Grinning, "Wherever you go…"

Robin smiling broadly, "You will follow. I know and I wouldn't want it any other way."

We put our arms around each others shoulders and begin to walk down the hill towards the manor.

As my brother leads me away I tell him once more, "I love you."

He answers, "I know."

I wait patiently.

Grinning Robin asks, "Well, do I have to say it?"

This time I wait.

Robin laughs, "Then I will. I love you too Much."

Together we laugh as we walk down the hill side by side, no longer as master and servant, but as best friends and equals, to the manor where I can now see Marian waiting for us in the open doorway.

* * *

_One soldier stands on either side of me. I am allowed to watch as they bury you but not allowed to help. I'm given a single flower to place in your grave but in petty defiance I pull another. I watch as you are lowered and toss in my handful of earth. With it goes my heart. I struggle to maintain my composure but it's all just an act._

_As my guards lead me away, I can hear the other peoples' whispers, "That's his best friend. His only friend. He was holding him when he died and wouldn't let go." "Because he tried to kill himself. That's why."_

_They all stare at me until I am out of sight. But I don't want their pity. I want my best friend back. I want the impossible._

* * *

Little John approaches the hill knowing that he would find Much there. _He always comes here when he feels alone._ Little John finds Much lying curled up on Robin's grave and walks up quietly, "Much?" When he receives no response he bends over and gently shakes him. Still receiving no response he places his hand on Much's forehead and finds it cold. Little John sighs sadly, "Well, you lasted longer than I expected. I'll go get the others."

The gang is packing up as Little John returns. Tuck offhandedly asks, "Did you find Much?" Little John reaching for the shovels answers, "Yes." Tuck with a forlorn look on his face sadly whispers, "Oh no…" and Kate starts to cry.

The gang follows Little John through the early morning forest and when he takes the trail to Locksley they know where they are going. Where Much will be. Where he always is. Where he wants to stay.

They bury him to the right of his best friend. His sole reason for living.

Little John wistfully, "They were inseparable in life and now they are inseparable in death." He pauses then adds, "He lasted longer than I expected."

They bow their heads as Tuck solemnly recites the prayer for the dead.

Archer matter-of-factly, "Robin Hood is dead." Tuck emphatically, "NO! The heart of Robin Hood may have died with them but the idea lives on _in us_!"

The gang cries out together with enthusiasm, "We Are Robin Hood!"

* * *

_They can steal my picture of you but not my memory. I will never forget you and they cannot make me! No matter what..._

_I keep the bullet that took you away on an unbreakable chain around my neck._

* * *

Tuck moves the gang to the other side of Nottingham where fewer questions will be asked as to where Robin Hood or Much is. Without Much they all must share in the daily needs of the camp. Of course, most falls to Kate who is getting irritated about it, and she often threatens to leave. But they laugh at her just as they laughed at Much. Kate finds that she doesn't like it and for the nth time wishes for Much when Archer sarcastically yells at her, "Then leave already!" after one of her outbursts.

Tuck trying to defuse the tension motions with his palms down, "Everyone calm down! We have suffered a great loss! But we must carry on! Robin Hood _must_ endure!"

The gang together but with much less enthusiasm, "We Are Robin Hood."

Several months later only Tuck and Little John remain at camp. First Kate then Archer leave, neither one returning from their deliveries taking the money with them.

As they are packing getting ready to depart Tuck sighs, "Where will you go?"

Little John glances up at him, "To find my family, and you?"

Tuck answers as he picks up his pack, "Back to the Abbey."

Little John sighs, "Then Archer was right, Robin Hood is dead."

Tuck shakes his head regretfully, "Archer never did have the morality to keep up the fight. He was no leader and he and Kate only thought of themselves. Robin was our true leader and Much held us together. They gave us a cause, we saw them as a team, and therefore so were we."

Little John finished packing, stands up, and slings the pack over his shoulder, "That is why I followed them. I went from only looking after myself to looking after others. They changed me."

Tuck extends his hand, "Well my friend, hopefully we will meet again."

Little John leans his staff against his shoulder and takes Tuck's offered hand, "After I find my family, I will come and find you. Or, you can with me."

Tuck surprised, "Are you sure?"

Little John laughs, drops Tuck's hand, and grasps his staff, "Yes, I could use the company. Besides, two are better than one when needed, after all, the woods are full of thieves."

They laugh ironically at his joke.

They look around making sure that the camp is wiped clean and together follow the North Road in search of Little John's family.

A place to start over.

* * *

_They discharge me trusting that I am stable. I suppose I am. I shall try to wait as commanded until I once again hear from you... I don't want to die alone..._

* * *

~~~~~~~~~ FIN ~~~~~~~~~~

Knowing something of the loss of a brother-in-arms.

Dedicated to my best friend (Sasquatch).

I held you as you died.

For where you have gone I have yet to follow.

(Calvin)


End file.
